"Anxiety"

I'm not exactly sure when it first happened. I don't know where I was. I don't remember who I was with or what I was doing. But I know that each time since has felt worse than the last.

I can't tell you what starts it explicitly because I don't know myself. One moment everything is normal. I'm calm. I'm with my friends and family. Talking. Laughing. Having a good time.

Until suddenly, everything changes.

It isn't a gradual thing. There aren't any warning signs. I don't feel it coming. I don't get to prepare. It just hits hard, and it hits fast. All of a sudden, my whole body goes numb. It feels like I'm stuck in quicksand, sinking deeper. I can't move. I'm frozen. Nobody seems to notice. I hear what those around me say but can't make sense of the words. I feel stuck in a daydream, but the dream is about nothing. My vision blurs, and the world's toxins get trapped inside my lungs. I can feel every moment my heart makes.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

My stomach feels sick. Am I going to puke? I'm burning up. I might faint. It feels like I'm outside of my body. Am I dying? No! I'm good. I'm okay. Everything is okay. I've been here the whole time. With family. With friends. I was just laughing and having a good time. What's happening to me?