06/11/2022

I feel scared today.

Was yesterday just a mask?

I worry I can never change myself; I fear I’ll always be stuck in this deep dark hole or hopeless dreaming.

I cannot get ahead of the evil thoughts enough to make a good move.

The messy side. The side that talks too much and with that always says the wrong things.

The side that cannot seem to let go of any regrets. The side that questions my hopes and dreams every day.

This negative encouragement inside my head has trapped me in this allusion that I’ll never get where I need to go.

There are too many boxes to cross off my lists first, and I can’t find the last page.

No many how many rooms I clean in my life, I always find myself opening the door to another cluttered closet. Filled with stacked-up memories of a life I no longer want to live - associating myself with a person I longer want to be known as.

How do you change who you are? But still, hold onto whom you believe you’re meant to be.

Should I be the one accepting myself instead of searching for that love and acceptance from everywhere else?

Why are these words I am writing so easy to understand yet too complex to grasp?